Cesspit! 

Posted: September 8, 2015 in Uncategorized

Eyes glazed over with tears that won’t fall, overwhelmed with the doom of my depressive and anxiety provoking state of mind. Sadness and fear run through my whole body, from top to bottom, yet contradictory numb! A stomach full of emptiness. I crave the touch and the attention from the people around me and want to be as far away from them as possible, the cause of this, of course being guilt. I am a burden. My perfect little family, flawed, because me and intolerable moods over shadow all of our innocence, our fun, all trying to carry on as “normal” but dragged down by the persistence of my illnesses, I feel sick. I can barely look at myself, I hate my reflection because I hate myself, or at least this imposter that claims to be me. I have been trapped inside this house for what feels like forever, but that isn’t the issue, I’m trapped, inside my own mind. The negativity the voices in my head spew, control everything I do, tear apart any try or reach to become well again. Any attempt at escaping this torture, in a healthy way, blasted into smithereens, over taken by my inevitable urges. It’s been a while since I have felt this to this extent and right now I don’t feel like it is possible to feel any other way again….. 

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